Out of Cheese

The Philadelphia Eagles recently announced that fans attending their new stadium, Lincoln Financial Field, won’t be allowed to bring food into the stadium. Although annoying, that’s nothing new — about half the teams in the NFL prohibit food from the outside. What’s new is that the Eagles claimed that the food ban was for security reasons. Perhaps they were worried that exactly the right combination of mayonnaise, deli meat, and bread would cause an explosion. Or something like that.

In an attempt to validate the Eagles’ claims, today’s Philadelphia Inquirer contains a front page story concerning an investigation into the security risks of hoagies. (To the non-Philadelphians out there, a hoagie is what the rest of y’all call a “sub sandwich”.) A fleet of reporters brought various types of hoagies into Philadelphia’s City Hall, within 30 yards of President Bush on his visit to Philadelphia, to the White House, to the U.S. Capitol, and through the security check at Philadelphia’s airport. Shockingly, not a single one of these dangerous sandwiches resulted in a building evacuation or even a beep of the metal detector, although a few security guards were briefly distracted as they expressed their hope that the hoagie carrier enjoyed his lunch. Perhaps that’s the threat the Eagles were worried about. I suppose I’ll have to give them the benefit of the doubt.